Twirling Towards Victory

Exit Pursued By Bear

2007-01-23T23:27:00.000-08:00

I have decided to change locations, use the new Blogger dashboard settings and options, and get more of a fresh start. So much has happened to me since I started my little site freshman year of college, my catestrophic first break up, struggling with school, that time I saw the lead singer from Everclear on the street. I thought maybe I should jettison some ballast and move on to a brighter future. The new Twirling Towards Victory site can be found at: http://tasteslikefreedom.blogspot.com/
Come check it out, or even better, link to it so I can once again rise like a phoneix from the pits of Google.

Vae Victus

2006-02-15T01:17:00.000-08:00

I am sure in my increasingly long abscences I have alienated all of my dwindling readership, although I suppose I maintain this site for my own amusement and reflection. For the last several months, I have gone with and without internet, a computer, housing or food, and a variety of other niceties in a disappointed paralell to my three months of semi-homelessness (self-imposed of course, if I ever write an autobiography, I'll call it an "inward journey" or something) so I guess there is at least some reason for my inability or disinterest in posting.

Regardless, I re-assure the cold, pitiless vaccuum of the internet that I will attempt to be more faithful to you, oh mistress of digital thaumaturgy, in the coming months.

And now for some linky. All hail the future prototype of Optimus Prime.

Elephant Gold

2005-11-01T08:25:00.000-08:00

It has been some time since I last posted, but I have been in that state lately where I just live one day to the next, without concentrating too much on what has been happening or what is to come. For Halloween, I saw Shaun of the Dead with my friends, which despite its moments of shocking gore, was extremely funny and enjoyable. My various gaming activities are still serving as a focal center for my social life, everything else revolving around them in a fashion quite common for the subculture in which I have emersed myself.

On a side note, I have found that I really love Hamlet. I've spent the last two weeks pouring over the text in my Shakespeare class and I can see why it has earned its noteriety. The "To be or not to be" speech cused one of the most intense and thought provoking debates yet, and while I'm excited to move onto Othello soon, it makes me a little sad to leave Hamlet, which I feel you could spend an entire semester studying.

Anyway, hopefully I'll post again soon when I have something more meaningful/interesting to say.

A Pox Upon Me

2005-09-28T20:18:00.000-07:00

To my great joy, I have been afflicted with some sort of hideous disease, the likes of which has not been seen in the world since the Black Plague escaped the dark continent and devoured the villages and homes of our forefathers. You know what I think had something to do with this was that Coloubos monkey from Africa that bit me, I knew that would come back to haunt me. Suffice it to say, I have been suffering general "cold" symptoms for a week and a half now, but at least my four days of feverish delirium are over. After solitary confinement to my bed and computer for so long, with limited food, water, and social contact, I literally stumbled out of my Residence Hall seeking morbid companionship late friday night. However, all of my friends ABANDONED me for "real life" such as going downtown or somesuch. Fortunately, by the end of the evening, I managed to find Adnan and Brendon, who I can always count on to be invariably be there, playing video games or watching movies. Now I merely roam the campus reminding the young, happy, carefree students of the cruelty of fate as my body has been transformed into a grim spectre of death.

But enough about my fun times. Life goes on in the wide world, much as it always has. Since school started almost a month ago, I have been off-campus but once, and that was a brief visitation to that cold, unfeeling world brought on by Nastassja basically dragging me around Portland like some flimsy marionette (ie typical woman to man relationship). I hope to change that fact by making more excursions to the local theatre where I can enjoy upcoming "motion pictures" which are now in color, I am told. However, I still require money to exchange for goods and services, I'm working on that part of the equation, we'll see what happens. Other than that, I'm still a bore, a layabout with no job, no girlfriend, and I more or less attend class and do homework in some haphazard fashion; life couldn't really get any better, really.

Catch you all on the flipside.

Now is the winter of our discontent

2005-09-21T16:25:00.000-07:00

Made glorious by this Sun of York.

As usual, I have nothing to say about what I have been doing at school, even though I am doing a great many things. Some things Jedi would consider unnatural. About a week ago, I acquired through VERY LEGITIMATE means a copy of Final Fantasy: Advent Children for my computer's over-taxed harddrive and it is worth every megabyte. The movie was clearly made for nerdy boys as the CG is incredible, 70% of the camera time is action, action, action, and there is no romance to speak of to slow down the all-important animated violence. If you anime, you'll like this movie, and if you don't like anime, you'll still probably like it to a certain extent. While the film was made to capitalize on the enormous fanbase of Final Fantasy VII, it's still quite appealing to the Squaresoft "layman."

Additionally, this week marks the kickoff of my Vampire: The Masquerade game that has had much anticipation here at school, and it seems to be shaping up nicely. I have spent countless hours writing complex characters, what I feel is a layered plot, and made preparations to have two experienced Storytellers aid me in running the game, I think it's going to be great. I have to practice my improvisational speaking and acting skills, as well as prepare some nifty costume switches, as nerdy as all that sounds, everyone seems to have a really good time.

This semester I've been taking a course concisely titled "An Introduction to Shakespeare" which has been going wonderfully; some of you may have noticed the tagline title from Gloucester's opening speech in Richard III. I have long been a critic of lionizing the man, but upon in depth study of some of his early works I am beginning to appreciate the brilliance that many an English scholar has discovered buried in the texts.

Exit pursued by bear.

Responsibility, what's that?

2005-09-12T08:05:00.000-07:00

Well the summer came to a spectacular finale (sarcasm) and I am finally back in school (sorrow). So far, I've been showing a surprising amount of enthusiasm for my classes, particularly my English literature courses (dim hope) both of which I was somewhat dreading for my previous lack of interest in stodgy English writings (reminiscence). With Erik overseas and Stephan graduated many of the responsibilities of the Lewis and Clark Gaming Society have fallen upon myself and Brian (dread). We've already had two very successful nights of 'Ninja' and we had over 30 new signups for the gaming society this year, putting at us still being the largest and longest running group on campus.

This year I have papers due almost every week starting this week, and while that isn't the most terrific news (truth) on some level I enjoy flaunting my natural talent and interest in non-fiction prose (total bullshit). Finally, I close by mentioning the annual cross-dressing dancing is coming up, and in pervious years I have shunned it, this year I may just give it a whirl (confused excitement).

A Serious Moment

2005-08-13T14:23:00.000-07:00

Last monday night, almost a week ago now, my sister was in Salem, drinking with a number of boys (this being the second time in her life that she has gotten drunk) and she fell out of a second story window. After most of them fled the scene, a paramedic found her, called an ambulance, and she was rushed to the Salem hospital where she was placed in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). Her entire right side of her body was paralyzed, and she was unable to regain conciousness for several hours.

As you can imagine, this was something of a... shock for my mother and I. Seeing my little sister Tanya (barley eighteen years old) hooked up to all the machinery, with a neckbrace, a triple pump IV, it was a bit much. She was discharged from the hospital on thursday, and we took her home, where she is slowly regaining the ability to walk. Fortunately, it looks like Tanya will make an almost full recovery, although it is unknown at this time if she will ever completely recover movement of her right foot and ankle.

It's hard to imagine that my entire family is just my mother, Tanya, and I. All of our relatives are far away and we keep limited contact with them, if something happens to one of us, it'll just be two left, which isn't much of a family in a way. I'm spending more time with Tanya now, and we're trying to keep her spirits up, as she was robbed of her much vaunted independence for some time; I just hope this is a wake up call for her to get her life going in the right direction.

For anyone that reads this and knows my mother and/or my sister, you can contact me or them to arrange a visit if you would so like, I'm sure they would appreciate it.

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish

2005-08-12T11:13:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago I got to see a DVD version of Constatine and I was really impressed. Despite my unremitted hatred for Keanu Reaves' acting, I thought he did an okay job in the film. I typically enjoy movies that capture that "world of darkness" style, and no matter what you may have thought about the plot or the characters, you cannot deny that the editing and camera shots throughout were amazing. The idea of Angels and Devils competing for the souls of the living is an intriquing plot, one that I enjoy, but I think it is often poorly executed in cinema. I would recommend the movie, if for nothing else, but to see the amazing job they did with Satan at the end. Watching Constatine reminded me that Nightwatch is coming out, something I have high hopes for, see for yourself.

I am the Lord of Death

2005-08-07T14:54:00.000-07:00

Dr. Binford, one my bosses here in the lab, is taking a trip to South Africa to catch spiders for about two weeks, and since the majority of her research students are gone for the rest of the summer, it leaves it on my shoulders to take care of the entire spider room. She came down on friday and had a chat with me, and I got to ask her some questions about the spiders here and it's really cool the work that's being done, if you're into that sort of the thing. For instance, the sicarius spiders (a relative of the brown recluse that is found in and around Argentina) is so rare and little studied that for a variety of the specimens, myself and a few of the other research students are the only people in the world to observe them hunting and feeding, which I personally think is really cool. But for the next few weeks I'm spending double shifts in that tiny, hot, spider-filled room, which despite my previous post on the subject, I have come to enjoy working in anyway.

Also, Brian- the individual I'm living with- and I have been playing this old, old rpg/rts game called "Warlord: Battlecry II" and despite having very dated gameplay and graphics (we're talking WarCraft II/Age of Empries quality here) it's a really fun game. It's probably the only successful merging of rts and rpg I've played, since WarCraft III deceptively masqueardes itself as one thing, but is really just a strategy game. This is the kind of game that is in your local EB bargain bin for $3 and is worth $30. I have probably spent more time playing this old, overlooked game that won no awards than both Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords and Halo 2 combined, which is saying something about the quality of both those games and the quality of the product in question.

It's like playing something made by Looking Glass Studios all over again. If you're interested, you should be able to find information about in on the Ubisoft page (yes, the people who made Splinter Cell). Check it out.

Spinward, Corward, Backward, Forward

2005-08-03T19:26:00.000-07:00

How about a post that isn't so intimidatingly long? Working in an office is really a different experience than my usual lineup of jobs requiring more physical labor or tending to human larvae. I seem to be exploring the stereotypical office "characters" more every day. One thing I've noticed is the back office is entirely crewed by Vogons. Yes, Vogons, the villians from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. There is a collection of older individuals who all have raspy voices and stooped backs working in a darkened collection of cubicles like some kind of Turkish slave galleon. Navigating the complex inter-department network of the college buearcracy is akin to running through a maze to find, not a block of cheese, but the entrance to another maze, typically one that requires me to make copies to three different people. But it's not all that bad, I'm not moving 200 gallon containers of boiling soup in a factory floor in unsafe conditions getting yelled at in some kind of Slavic language I don't recognize (that was earlier in the summer, before I decided I wanted to have a future after all). Plus, the kind of work I do in the office is reserved for the most temporary and unskilled positions, so I imagine it's not quite so bad when you get higher up, not that I'll work at the college for too long anyway.

Moving from the summer housing to my Fall 2005 room on the 16th, it's confirmed and I have one less thing to worry about now, I'm so tantalizingly close to being ready for the 2005-2006 year I can taste it. In the meantime, I have more summer to frivolously enjoy.

Charles

France, France Revolution

2005-07-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

I understand that writing is supposed to be a better way to organize and collate your thoughts, or so that hobo told me. Of course, it is entirely possible he said this to dissaude me from eating his brain to gain his insight.

It has come to my attention that I have not posted in a signficant time, and that this may have a detrimental effect upon my somewhat limited readership, but perhaps as the aforementioned passage indicates, this will be an exercise for myself more than for anyone else.

Of particular interest have been my activities during the long summer months in which we all must endure this abomidable weather. Well, after a brief hiatus from college and a greater wealth of social activity I have returned to the campus to live (not at home) and work for money, which I am exchanging for goods and services. I have two part-time jobs, one is in the mornings, the other in the afternoons, a clever organizational ploy by myself.

The morning job is for the Lewis and Clark College biology department where I help them keep everything organized and running smoothly so the professors and student researchers can concentrate on, well, their research and not menial tasks left to the students of humanities. I do things like fill deionized water carboys, wash dishes, feed spiders, and in general do little "go-fer" tasks for my employer, whose task it is to bring order and harmony to the naturally chaotic environment of the four to five research programs that are all happening at the same time (in the case of this year, four). The majority of my time is spent happily washing dishes, which is more personally rewarding than it sounds. I have an entire lab station to myself, which is strategically placed in the center of the entire cluster of labs, where I am left to my own devices as I turn piles of slimey and odorous dishes into scientifically sterilized glassware ready for the mighty auto-clave (one of my favorite machines). For the most part I enjoy it because the lab is kept cool and I get to stand up and walk around.

Oh, I'm sorry, did I mention feeding spiders? That's right, spiders. Now, when I applied for this job, I actually wasn't required to fill out any paperwork, or go through an application process, I was immediately accepted for the job on my basis of being willing to do it. I am the third person to hold this position this summer, the previous two both quitting within a week of starting. Why? Spiders. The Binford lab has a two-year grant to do research on little known spider toxins, specifically those of the Brown Recluse, which has cousins within its geneis all over the planet. Well, how do we feed spiders? I walk down a long hall from the central lab complex to a small, smelly room full of chirping crickets completely unaware that their sole purpose in life is to become spider compost. There is a door set into the back wall of the last lab, at least four inches thick with a tiny double-layered window and a heavy locking mechanism. Beside the door is an array of gauges and swithes that carefully manage the delicate ecosystem inside. I am then locked inside this room, which is in dimension similar to a walk-in closet, which has only one working, flickering flourcent light and I am left inside for over three hours as I tend to some three hundred spiders that line the walls in small clear plastic cages that go above my head level. To feed these arachnid horrors, I must take a device known as a "puter" (I'm not sure I spelled that correctly) which consists of a plastic tube with some nylon inside it to create a thin physical barrier between both ends. I place it over one of the crickets in the broiling mass of insect apendages and I suck it into the tube. Yes, I suck a cricket up into a tube I am holding in my mouth. I have the sexual innuendos repeatedly mentioned to me, my only response is to remind everyone that it was a biology major, not I, who invented this method. I then open one of the spider cages and blow (yes, suck and blow) the cricket inside and quickly seal it before my poisonous prisoner desides I'm more palatable than the cricket and I watch nature take its course. Maybe I'm being overly verbose about this, that I'm making it worse than it actually it is, I dare you to come down and do this shit for three to four hours, locked in that tiny room with spiders that ALL will send you to the hospital if they bite you, well, assuming you don't die before you get there. So yeah, I had to conquer some fears of poisonous spiders that kill me during the course of the summer, good stuff.

On the other hand, in the afternoon's I work in the McAfee office, specifically in the Lewis and Clark Department of Public Affairs and Communications. My job titly is Student Media Analyst. That's fancy talk for "copy bitch." See, whenever anybody in any newspaper, magazine, TV, or Radio spot mentions "Lewis and Clark College" in any way, no matter how small, a copy gets sent to the college via these large organizations that do nothing but look for such things. The articles go to my boss's boss, who reviews them and picks out important articles about the president and such, and then sends me hundreds of clippings. I fit them into 8.5x11" or 11x17" copies to be distributed for review, then take the originals and enter them into an electronic database with about 16,000 articles about L&C and categorize them and sort them into the electronic archives. I then take the reviewed copies, copy them some more and distribute them to know less than five different people within the college bueracracy, sometimes by hand, sometimes by mail. I then personally make envelopes and mail the articles about faculty to each faculty member, and then I take my master copies, sort them by a number of categories and sort them in our massive physical archives, which take up a monolithic basement in the bowels of Lewis and Clark, where few students have roamed. It's more boring than it sounds, and it sounds pretty boring, but it's kind of neat to be the central conduit in which an unfathomable amount of information flows. Even my position in the office behind a cubicle wall, but in front of the central copying cluster makes me something of a wallfly to ALL THINGS that happen in the PubCom office. The knowledge, it fills me, it is neat.

Anyway, that's a lot of text, but it's good to sit down and just write, so enjoy the fruits of my labor. I know it's customary to read a blog, say "that's neat" and then go to the next page, but if you could leave a little comment, even unrelated, I would be greatly abliged to know if anyone reads my web page anymore.

Charles

Set all power to front deflector screens

2005-02-15T14:25:00.000-08:00

As some of you may be aware, I have a passing interest in roleplaying games and have grown to be quite fond of Blizzard Entertainment's latest product, World of WarCraft. My main character (by the way) is a level 48 Tauren Warrior named Targos on Cenarion Circle.

Anyway, I have recently locked my s-foils in attack position as a volley of poo-matter is fills my view screens while attempting to walk through a simple town. This thread, which I suggest you do not read the entirity of, epitomizes the sad depravity of some players in search of a little coin. If you read far enough, you will find accounts of players providing cyber-sex services (although hotly denied by their leadership) for the exchange of in-game money. Now, I realize that different people enjoy the game in different ways. These people happen to be different to me in the fact that they enjoy the game in a disgusting, stupid, and unintended way. Fortunately, I play the Horde, which has races that are, albiet cooler, but more gross looking (unless you're a furry, Tolkien-nut, or a good ol' necrophiliac) so I see much less of this kind of stuff.

On the plus side, I got my financial aid back, and I'll be heading back to school in the fall, which means I can continue to watch the Cubs lose.

Adversity in the Face of Triumph

2005-02-06T10:16:00.000-08:00

January was an interesting month for me. After an awesome new year's party, I spent about four to five days searching for an elusive copy of World of WarCraft, which I eventually obtained on a hope and a prayer and immediately set myself to playing during the last weeks of break. I pretty much moved into my friend Brian's room (who was staying on campus) and we did nothing but start characters that went from levels one to thirty-three in about ten days. Pretty good times. By the way, if you're interested, I have a level 43 Tauren Warrior on the server Cenarion Circle. Go Horde!

Literally the day I came home from that soul-losing venture, I got my walking papers from Lewis & Clark. My grades had continue to drop, and I being on academic warning already, lost all financial aid. Now, in case you weren't aware, a full year at Lewis & Clark runs to the tune of about $32,000. However, they give generously on both need and merit bases. However, if you fuck up (like I did) you're pretty much SOL. My immediate and current plan: I've taken a "Leave of Abscence" from LC, which means I'm still a student but I'm not attending classes this semester. I've returned to *shudder* live at home with my family and I'm currently working to get money up for a down payment on a loan. That loan being to pay for two sessions of summer school, which is much cheaper than regular classes, so that I can raise my GPA to more acceptable levels. This whole experience has been kind of surreal and terrifying, as dealing with my depression and anxiety has never been more important than it is now. In the long run, I don't know how I'm going to make up the credits or the grades in a more overall sense, but I figure I'll figure that out when I get back into school.

Speaking of work, the day after I got home, I already had a meeting scheduled with Express Personnel, a lovely Portland-wide Temporary Employee service that has had me working at a food production facility on Airport Way called Harry's Fresh Foods. Those of you who are in college and think that school is hard: real life sucks way, way more. I don't care if you have ten thousand hours of homework every week and your midterms regularly cause students to combust with demon flames and excrete motor oil from their pores, it's not as bad as being stuck out there in the blue collar working world. I very quickly realized I'm not cut out for this kind of work, at least, not a job involving so much food. College at its hardest was a breeze compared to the soul-crushing nature of looking at a futureless career at a place like this.

So, that's the long and short of it. I haven't been blogging for a month because it seems like everything was going crazy or I was too tired or I was playing World of WarCraft shifts, and I sort of forgot about this whole thing. I do have a lot more free time, as temps don't really get to work everyday, and if anyone wants to do something, shoot me and e-mail. I'm rarely on AIM as I don't have much to do online (besides the obvious). I spend every weekend at the Lewis & Clark, playing games with my friends until 1 am, when I get my weekly fix of ninja. By the way, those of you who were bugging me about a "ninja rule post," if you still want one, I'm sure I whip one up, otherwise, I want bother boring the rest of you with my clandestine activities.

Go infinity and beyond!

I'm afraid that I don't take much solace in the fact that the implosion trigger functioned perfectly

2005-01-02T10:37:00.000-08:00

The holidays have finally come and gone, I'm better for it. Christmas time seems to breed this infectious optimism and insistence on family "togetherness" that I would rather just avoid, thankyouverymuch. Fortunately, my mother recognizes my desire to be left to my own devices, and does so with a moderate degree of success. Besides, my mom and sister are far to absorbed by their new little puppy, a hyperactive breed called Blue Healers. His name is Ike.

New Year's was a lot of fun for me, though. I went to see a friend who is a Lewis & Clark alumni who lives near campus and some of my college friends who are living around town had a little (non-alcoholic) party. We played Mario Kart- where I owned everyone, as usual- and some Mario Tennis where I most certainly DO NOT own. Besides that, I stayed up until about four in the morning gossiping with a bunch of girls Brie brought over and managed to lose really badly at the Great Dalmuti. I hope everyone else had fun, or at least, decent New Year's parties (especially poor Andy who got screwed with working the whole night).

Now most of the people I know around here are gearing up to jump back into school while I get to linger on in this limbo-like state of over two more weeks of break. If anyone ever wonders what I'm up to, I can assure you that it involves nothing interesting.

Leviathan

2004-12-24T13:46:00.000-08:00

I am beginning to face the very real prospect of either seeking professional help or not being able to continue college. Ever since last march everything has gotten so much worse: my anxiety attacks are so severe that I can't talk to anybody in person, my mood swings are swift and strong, and almost any little thing can trigger an intense feeling of depression. I believe that I will at least get to continue through to this next semester, but if I screw up one more time, I'm done with school until I can take care of this problem. Coming from high school where I was happy, productive, and I felt so successful in most aspects of my life, I feel like I'm in hell, even though I know it could be so much worse.

My apologies for the more serious post, but it seems like everything is so much more serious and less fun these days.

Death is the only way out

2004-12-06T13:35:00.000-08:00

I'm too lazy to make any kind of real post right now, since my life is pretty uneventful anyway, so here's something to distract yourself from finals for a few minutes. It is likely that you will find this either a) really funny or b) incredibly stupid. Please comment on which reaction it provoked.

How to Kill a Mockingbird.

In my opinion, best book report ever.

Rego Mortis

2004-11-20T21:10:00.000-08:00

As is customary, I have a post dedicated soley to my new schedule for next semester. Unfortunately, it looks like that young college upstart, Nathan, has beat me to the punch this semester. I have an odd semester this spring, with it being both "front-loaded" along the week, and with an evening class almost every day.

Monday
10:20am - 11:20am History 259 India: Age of Empire 500-1800
5:30pm - 7:00pm Education 275 Developing the Potential of the Learning-Disabled Child
7:00pm - 8:30pm History 225 Europe-Age of French Revolution

Tuesday
9:40am - 11:20am English 208 Prose Writing: Creative Nonfiction
7:00pm - 8:30pm English 206 Major Periods and Issues in English Literature

Wednesday
10:20am - 11:20am History 259 India: Age of Empire 500-1800
7:00pm - 8:30pm History 225 Europe-Age of French Revolution

Thursday
9:40am - 11:20am English 208 Prose Writing: Creative Nonfiction
7:00pm - 8:30pm English 206 Major Periods and Issues in English Literature

Friday
10:20am - 11:20am History 259 India: Age of Empire 500-1800

So, as you can see, my course load really seems to soften up as the week goes on. I hope this works out well. In addition, as soon as I figure out how to post pictures on my blog, I will make a post fully fleshing out the rules for "Ninja," as requested by Nathan and Peter.

Roll for Initiative, Monkeyboy

2004-10-28T09:19:00.000-07:00

If you understand "initiative" but don't know where this comes from, please take the time to visit the Knights of the Dinner Table part of Hoody-Hoo. "When Critical Hits Attack" and "Man versus Archeticture" are the best, in my opinion.

The last few weeks of school have been spent desperately trying to keep up (a failing effort) with my gargauntuan reading schedule. In between sortes with my books, gaming has thrived in the dark places of Lewis & Clark. There is much D&D afoot on campus, much of which I have participated in. Additionally, I plan to pick up the Vampire: Dark Ages book to run an elders game; should be fun for all.

But the most engaging activity has taken place on the weekends... "Ninja." Several gamers on campus have combined capture the flag with boffing weapons. Every saturday night, about a dozen of us gather in lower campus (where all the classrooms are and such) at 1 am. There are two teams, one are the gaurds who have an "object" (i.e. a flag) to protect. The other team are the ninjas, who must start at the top of the field and sneak/run/fight there way to the object and make it back up to their starting point again without dying. The ninjas are clad in all black and wield black boffing swords, while the gaurds wear white shirts and get to use walkie-talkies to communicate. Without getting into too much, the game has bunch more rules, like one gaurd is a Shogun who coordinates gaurds and ninjas can kill with unarmed attacks making it a "stealth kill." Needless to say, the game is awesome. There have been all kinds of crazy stunts attempted by the ninjas and gaurds such as:

Ninjas hiding in the rafters of a small covered area on the field
An epic battle that was fought down approximately two flights of stairs
Ninjas leaping off a ten-foot wall with varied success (I sprained my ankle, for instance)
One Ninja killed five gaurds by himself... At the same time
Another ninja managed to evade eight gaurds at once without getting hit, even when surrounded

We've become lore on campus now. Whenever some of us are seen carrying weapons late at night, people who walk by will say "he's a ninja, I heard about that..." Every week more people show up, even though we're not supposed to talk about it much on campus; much like fight club. Someone here in Stewart (my residence hall) wants to come film and photograph us, which I will post online as soon as they're available to me.

Oh, and if anyone requests it, I can post pictures of Adnan in drag, if you'd like. Apparently, he was a big hit at the drag ball this year.

From Canille to Gallipoli

2004-10-17T23:53:00.000-07:00

I recently returned from seeing the latest version of King Lear in Portland. I can't say that the director captured Lear perfectly, but the play is such that the admirable effort was pleasing enough. The advertiesments spoke of a modern Lear, where the King is transformed into a CEO. I cringed at this, but held out hope. It turned out that they used the exact (almost) same lines from the Shakespearean play, they just used a "modern" theme for props and the like. It turned out really cool. The same group did this for a showing of Antigone many years ago (when I was much more young and venerable).

It's definetely worth it if you feel like doing something a bit more intellectual and you've got extra cash to blow, especially if you've read King Lear before. If you do end up going, check out the performances of both "Edmund," "Edgar," and "Kent;" all of which are superb.

Romanticism in an era of social obfuscation

2004-10-14T09:25:00.000-07:00

I think it would be really romantic if a girl told me: "Oh Charles, you make wounds bleed and flesh crawl." But then again, my dear Lenore, I shall see thee, nevermore.

In case you are wondering why I am romantically attatched to an entropic corpus, watch the timeless classic, Nightmare Before Christmas, which remains one of my favorite movies ever.

Nothing really happens when you're on campus all the time, but I still manage to squeeze out a charming little social niche every once in a while. School plods on, inexorably with lots of reading and discussions and papers and bears. Oh my. My Great aunt and uncle came to visit yesterday from Missouri, and in preparation I had my fingernails painted black (like my foul heart) in preparation. As expected, they noticed them, but said nothing. My mother on the other hand pitched a fit about the corruption of the youth and so on. I was pleased with this result.

I've been thinking I should grab somebody's digital camera and take some pictures to post. There are lots of cool happenings on campus, and I should share some of them. For instance, I must post a picture of my sexy roommate, Adnan, because when he dies I GET DIBBS ON HIS THIGHS. Going along with that, I'm still the only person who has "human cannibalism" as an "interest" in his Blogger profile. That makes me a sad panda.

I'm about to be whisked off to go "spandex" shopping with a cute girl, so no matter what happens, I'll have a pretty damn good day.

See you later, space cowboy.

Swiftly Flying Swallows

2004-09-28T09:09:00.000-07:00

I had almost forgotten that I have a web log and that I have friends with blogs of their own. Sophmore year is an all-consuming endeavor, despite those of you who scorn my "squishy" humanities courses. Now that my "three Goddamn essays due on the same friday hell week" is over, I find myself in a slightly more comfortable position, except that midterm examinatinons are beginning in earnest.

How is everyone else's school year going? The increasing latency of web logging has led me to believe that most others are at least as busy as I am, but if anyone actually reads this thing, grace me with a comment or two so I can feel important. Plus, I just saw the South Park version of Great Expectations which involved robot monkeys and Ms. Havisham creating a Genesis device to give herself immortality. Anyone out there in blogger land who lives near Portland, please, for the love of God, contact me to go hang out or game or something; because I'm getting institutionalized on this damn campus.

Finally, like Megaman games? Do you like the song Bohemian Rhapsody? Curious as to what the hell I'm talking about? Then check out the "Titanium Rhapsody."

Skyline Swaying in the Breeze

2004-09-16T09:13:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't updated in a while because, well, school is really busy. Due to my two 200 level English courses and my History course, I read over 100 pages every day. Plus, I have lengthy logic problem sets on top of that; all of which keeps me pretty busy considering I stop to play video games, socialize, and play tons and tons of ultimate frisbee (the definitive college sport). For those of you who may be mildly curious as to what I do, here's an example of some of the work I do in Major Periods and Issues in English Literature. College English courses are not so kind as to give you translated texts when reading Middle English works such as Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, so the student gets to do all the fun themselves. This is part of a larger stanza from the prologue to the Wife of Bath's tale. A small group, including myself, were given five minutes to translate a relatively easy passage. Here's the original middle English:

I trowe I loved him best for that he
Was of his love daungerous to me.
We wommen han, if that I shal not lie,
In this matere a quainte fantasye:
Waite what thing we may not lightly have,
Thereafter wol we crye al day and crave;
Forbede us thing, and that desiren we;
Preesse on us faste, and thanne wol we flee.
With daunger oute we al our chaff are:
Great prees at market maketh dere ware,
And too greet chepe is holden at litel pris.
This knoweth every womman that is wis.

Not too bad, considering some of the other older works we've translated. But it's really difficult when you're being timed. Here's my shitty translation; I focused more on presevering the original meaning and word order than the poetic meter and rhyme that you will find in professional translations.

I thought I loved him best because
his love was hard for me to get.
We women, and I shall not lie,
In this matter have a strange fantasy:
Whatever thing we may not easily have,
Will cause us to cry all day and crave;
Forbid us a thing, and we will desire more;
Press upon us fast, and we shall flee.
We carefully show our wares:
Great crowds at the market make our wares more expensive;
And too good of a bargain is of little value.
This every wise woman knows.

I suppose I should appreciate all of the work I'm doing and the new things I'm being exposed to, but this sort of work is really tiring considering I have to translate hundreds of lines for each class. I'll try to put a more interesting post for those of you who are less concerned with my academics in the future.

Breach Hull, All Die... Even had it underlined

2004-09-01T18:42:00.000-07:00

So, for those of you who ever try to contest me on religious grounds, I have a wonderful quote from South Park which pretty much sums up my attitude; you know, if I were a Black and White-style evil God.

"It is sometimes hard in times like these to understand God's way. Why would He allow nine innocent people to be run down in the prime of their lives by a senior citizen who, perhaps, shouldn't be driving? It is then that we must understand that God's sense of humor is very different from our own. He does not laugh at the simple 'man walks into a bar joke.' No, God needs complex irony and subtle farsical twists that seem macabre to you and me. All that we can hope for is that God got His good laugh and a tragedy such as this will never happen again."

There it is, folks, the true nature of God's tragic humor.

Approaching Perihelion

2004-08-31T10:48:00.000-07:00

That was the title of a post I had written over a week ago, however, Blogger decided to fuck with me and delete the damn thing mid-posting process, and I havne't had solid internet access since. Yes, I am in school again, just in case one your missed that, and yes it is awesome. I love my new dorm and and my new room. It's so much bigger than my old closet of a room, and although I am waging a constant war of cleanliness against the encroaching hordes of Adnan-crap (my roommate) It's much nicer than my shithole last year.

Small things: Adnan and I picked out an awesome 20" flatscreen Emerson television that kicks major ass; as such Jon and I have been playing tons of the PS2 game, Samurai Warriors. This is the next logical extension of the Dynasty Warriors series, so if you liked that game, you'll love Samurai Warriors. It's like Diablo II, but with less RPGness and more action with combo moves and such. Plus, it's set in one of Japan's most interesting periods: the unification of Japan under Nobanaga Oda and the Tokugawa revolution.

Also, Nikolai, a friend of mine, has been going Viking crazy this last week. Everyone knows that he's a big fan of the lovable northern barbarians, and this is evidenced by the Viking fever we've launched into a bit. One, I've been listening to a Swedish death-metal band called "Finntroll" which specializes in hard metal that has songs about Viking pantheons and such. If you want to get a good example of their music, trying locating the song "Trollhammaren." Also, we've been playing the old UT engine-based game "Rune" deathmatch like crazy the last few days. It's very akin to Jedi Knight 2 deathmatch, which was also quite fun. Finally, Nikolai modified the White Wolf system for a Viking roleplaying game, which we have had one session of; it's pretty rough and could use some more work, but it's a lot cooler than I expected it to be. If we continue in our current game, I plan to gather a group of warriors and unify as many of the Swedes under my flag and go conquer Norway or something. Maybe Kiev...

Lastly, school is great. I just can't say that enough. By far, my coolest class so far is Middle East in Modern Times. Right now, I'm getting sort of a crash course in Islam before we start laying into the foundation of the various conflicts that are raging in that region right now. It's really, really cool. Reading my textbook, I can see how much Islam has been changed and crapified already. I look forward to learning more...

Oh, and Brad, just to irk you, Islam was Christianity. It's the same religion, except they incorporated the customs of the old Arabic animistic religion to make the assimilation easier. So they're basically the same religion.

Sea God of the East, Azure Sea of the West

2004-08-18T10:48:00.000-07:00

This last sunday and monday, I participated in the great Andy/Brad move-in downtown, and it only reinforced my desire to get back to school where I have privacy and freedom from my family. I ended up hanging out with them for a few days, reading Brad's roleplaying books and playing tons of Soul Caliber 2 on the Xbox. One interesting note though. I decided to crash on their couch monday night, and go home tuesday afternoon. But in deciding to go home, I thought it would be cool to try walking home from downtown Portland. "Why?" you may ask.

Whimsy.

Only, I chose a bad time for it. For one, I left Andy's apartment around 11:45, which was when the sun was just getting to heating up the Portland area. Basically the entire time I spent walking were the hottest hours of the day, which sucked because I got really dehydrated. Also, on monday, I didn't want to be a total moocher, so I avoided borrowing food from Brad and Andy until they offered me some leftover Chinese food, which became my only food for that day. On tuesday, I only consumed a single brownie (the Girl Scout, not the dessert, but she was small) before treking about 10 miles across Portland and the various Eastern Suburbs. Suffice to say, I was starving by the time I collapsed at home.

The funny thing is, this isn't the first time I've done something like this. In fact, it's the third time I've hiked across Portland like that, and both of the other times I was just as dead and exausted afterwards... You'd think I would learn my lesson. Of course, my next goal is to walk from my house to Lewis & Clark College, but maybe I'll save that one for a while.

Alien Versus Predator: Google-Padding Fan Review

2004-08-13T23:56:00.000-07:00

One review described it as "Boring Versus Stupid" and I am inclined to agree. Now I went into this movie expect a far amount of cheese on my burger, but I got a lot more corn than I bargained for.

I've been a fan for many, many years of each franchise. I've seen all of the Alien and Predator movies, I've read the Alien, Predator, and Alien versus Predator books and comics; I even played with the action figures when I was a kid. I loved both PC games as well, and I would love to see an AVP 3 using the new kickass, super-scary Doom 3 engine, but that's just me. All of this background meant that I went into the movie as something of a fanboy, expecting little more than fucking aliens fighting fucking predators with some human meat inbetween. I got crap.

There are a few fundamental problems with the film itself. As a personal fan of the Aliens movie, I would have prefered a story set in the future using the Space Marines from the Alien franchise, which is what the comics and books do heavily. This movie was set in disappointly modern times. Okay, fine, I can live with that. Then came the next big blow... THE MOVIE Is RATED PG-13! Why?! None of the other films in either franchise, that's six fucking movies, were rated lower than "R." Not only that, I saw more gore in the Jurassic Park movies than AVP, which should never, ever happen. Finally, the biggest pre-movie mistake was the fact the movie had a woefully small budget, as evidenced by the length, acting, script writing, screen writing, editing, special effects, and just about every other feature of the film.

I knew the script would be bad, but the lines they had these people reading reached out of the screen and slapped me in the face. I thought Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was hackneyed, but lines like "laugh it up" and repeating "sacrificial chamber" over and over... The acting didn't help either. I agree with the critic who said that this is the only movie that included the "Aliens" that I didn't feel a drop of sympathy for when they had showed chest bursters popping out.

Then there were the special effects, which should have been spectacular. The terrible set design continued to bring the film down. The "enormous" temple under the ice is so obviously a miniature that I imagined my action figures in strategic places around the Ziggaraut's base and sloping walls. It looked like something out of an MST3K film. In addition, the costumes were, not bad, but not nearly the quality of the "regular" franchise; paticularly the predators. You'll notice that the big dreadlocked warriors spend quite a bit of time "uncloaked" but always draped in heavy shadows so you can't see the poorly detailed masks or contrived armor. The film purosfully gives you TONS of shots of the aliens face and little inner mouth thingy- I swear, I spent half the film looking at an alien's face- but very little "action" shots.

That brings me to my last big point, the action. Everything else I could have put up with. The acting, the costumes, the special effects, if I could just see some kickass fight scenes. The movie is about 90 minutes long, and you spend the first HOUR waiting for the much anticipated battle between Alien and Predator. When you finally get there, it SUCKS! These are by far, the most pussy, inadequete, and retarded predators I have ever seen. It took a single predator, using multiple different bladed weapons, over ten minutes of battling with an alien, to come close to killing it... AND IT STILL FUCKING DIED WHILE THE GODDAMN ALIEN LIVED UNTIL THE END OF THE MOVIE! There are three predators in the movie, two of them only managed to kill the unnamed human extras. The last predator fucked some shit up, but that was in the last 15-20 minutes of the movie, and by that time, very little was salvageable.

There were a few redeeming factors, however, such as we finally got to see predators, well, moving like killers. The movie went to lengths to show them doing cool acrobatics, flips, and surprisingly graceful stunts as they used staves, claws, and their bare hands to fuck people up. In addition, they got the guy who played "Bishop" in the Aliens and Alien 3 to play Charles Bishop Weyland. I thought that was cool. Also, the special effects weren't all bad as the Predator ships were so sleek and deadly I wanted to make sweet love with them in the theater. I practically shit my pants when I saw the last predator do that flip stab thing to spear the queen at the end. But these moments are few and far between in a film that you are better off renting.

The Spice Rack was in Disarray

2004-08-12T14:41:00.000-07:00

Wednesday's episode of Comedy Central's "The Daily Show" brought to my attention of a new soda company trying to appeal to an interesting demographic. Mecca-Cola is a new company trying to break into the competitive soft drink buisiness to try and fight against the tryanny of western imperialism by using its own tactics. At first, I thought this must be a gag on the Daily Show, this can't be real. No Muslim would stoop so low as to whore out the name of the holiest city in their entire religion, would they? Well, if you click on that link, you will find out just how serious they are about this. As Stephen Colbert said, "...they aren't that different from us."

I wonder how long it will take for other major religions to catch up. Not one to be left behind in the times (after all, it only took the pope 30 years to get with this whole "feminism" thing) the Catholic church will undoubtedly begin their own line of fast food restaraunts which would, of course, cater to those who believe in transubstantiation. I mean, who wouldn't want a quarter-pound of Jesus Christ for just $0.99? Its corporations like Mecca-Cola that reinforce my decision to stay athiest. I don't want any part of that.

Babel of Iron Sounds

2004-08-08T02:00:00.000-07:00

Imagine my surprise when I glanced out my window here in Northern Gresham and I saw my sleepy neighborhood street clogged with swarms of cars and foot traffic. I thought there was an accident or a party or a fireworks show or something. As it turns out, the nearby Firestone building, which was a tire factory and has since been converted into what amounts to a rubber storage facility, burst into flames. It was quite a sight to see a pillar of oily black smoke rising into the clear blue sky, like a sudden stain spreading through a cotton shirt. I've never seen that much smoke in my life, it was really something amazing to behold. I pondered the traffic, though, because my house was basically right next to the whole conflagaration, yet people were coming to my street in droves. It was then that I realized that it had become a community spectacle. An entire crowd of ambulance chasers, some with small children in toe, had gathered at the perimeters to witness the destructive inferno consume a building full of melted tires. To be honest, I would have joined them if I did not already have plans to meet with Brad and Andy, who had to negotiate a new meeting point due to the horrific traffic situation surrounding my cozy little street. Fortunately, the old tire factory is next door to the local firestation, so the response was, needless to say, quick.

For those of you who know little or nothing of Photshop Phriday, check this out. For those of you who do know about it, check that out anyway. Most of the topics are pretty funny, I'm a big fan of the "fake games" series which recently had its fourth installment on Something Awful. But this last friday had a really unique topic. The only clue I shall reveal is: "Terminators with Hats."

Finally, here is a brief overview of the long-abandoned ELEAWTA:

In the beginning there were animals. Then came Man. Then, there were a whole hell of a lot less animals. One man looked out over all of the species that were fading from the Earth and realized that many of those in danger were themselves dangerous, possessing sharp claws, many teeth, and myriad defenses. He realized also that he did not care about the other endangered animals in the least. In the interest of preserving the memory of the dangerous animals, most notably their flavor, after they vanished completely, that man started an organization - Eating Lethal and Endangered Animals While They're Alive. ELEAWTA, a growing organization of likeminded individuals, has since gone to whatever lengths necessary in their endless quest to find the most dangerous and endangered animals alive, defeat them in one-on-one combat, and eat them before they are gone forever.

Decide for yourself fellow true-believers.

Kompressor Does Not Dance

2004-08-04T20:05:00.000-07:00

Here are pills for rave power
You eat and feel good

Go into the dance club
And go on to the floor
DJ starts the music
Kompressor lock the door
People start to drinking
They go into a trance
Kompressor hate them all
Because Kompressor does not dance

Kompressor does not dance
Kompressor does not dance

You do not use a Macintosh
instead you use a Tandy
Kompressor break your glowstick
Kompressor eat your candy
Kompressor open jaws
Kompressor release ants
Kompressor watch you scream
Because Kompressor does not dance

Kompressor does not dance
Kompressor does not dance

You like to eat the rave drugs
You get more energy
You think it's worth the money
But we do not agree
We make pill of poison
With snuffing stimulants
Kompressor watch you die
Because Kompressor does not dance

Kompressor does not dance
Kompressor does not dance

-Kompressor

Like this? You can find more by clicking puny mouse button on link: http://www.kompressormusic.com.

Pulse of the Canille

2004-08-01T12:25:00.000-07:00

I have had a more interesting life lately, but right now, I'd like to stop for a moment, and ponder the upcoming gaming glory that awaits us in the fall season. Those of you who do not share my enthusiasm for gaming hobbies need not apply.

The issue is, there are a TON of awesome games coming up. A trio of sequels to classic games that I've been waiting for, and probably won't know what to do with myself when I get them; besides play the game that is. Here they are:

DOOM 3: Many people simply want the graphic engine, but I'm actually looking forward to another good horror style FPS like the classic, DOOM 2. The game looks graphically beautiful and has a wonderful "ode to space marines" feel. Plus, according to [H]ardOCP, you can run the game on minimum system specs with the graphic turned all the way up, and still only run into chop when your computer has to animate multiple enemies.
Half-Life 2: Assuming Valve ever actually releases the game, it will be totally badass, considering how amazing the Source engine looks. Plus, I would actually like know WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED in the first game, since the story was, in a word, vague.
Halo 2: The first game was really good, and ever since Brad and I beat Halo on "Legendary" difficulty mode co-operatively, I've been pining for the sequel. If the shaky cam video from 2003 E3 is any indicator, it will be good.
Call of Duty: Finest Hour: Now, I've seen articles that call the game "United Front," but in Electronic Boutique, the pre-order boxes labeled it "Finest Hour," so that's what I'm assumming it will be called. Even before the mission pack was announced, I was wishing there was more to the single-player, since that game was so very good. It is, hands down, the best WWII FPS on the market, and probably the last I'll ever really play, since I'm getting pretty fucking sick of that sub-genre of FPS.
Vampire: Bloodlines: Yes, it probably won't be the best RPG ever made, or even one of the better ones, but it still looks really fun. I really like the idea of a visceral experience of slaughtering mortals and feasting on their vitae, but that's just me. Andy, you shut the fuck up right now, I know what you're thinking. I know I'm a fanboy. Moving on...
Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War: My friend Davy from school is a beta tester, and Jonathan and I went over to his house in West Lynn and checked out the game. It looks fucking gorgeous. The game itself is sort of an amalgamation of the tactical Ground Control 2: Operation Exodus and more generic RTS games like StarCraft or the Command & Conquer series. The graphics are both amazing and brutal; by brutal, I mean the animation for combat is really gritty and vicious. I watched Davy march a Space Marine Dreadnought power armor into a group of Eldar infantry, and it was disgustingly entertaining. The big robot unleashed multiple heavy machine guns as it approached, cutting down the fragile Eldar while it burned to death one of their number with a massive flamethrower. When it closed to melee range, it sweeped its giant clawed arm across their ranks, sending three of them flying across the screen only to splat against the ground dozens of yards away. At this point, the infantry had been demoralized and began to run, the Space Marine pilot reached down with its big claw and plucked one of the fleeing Eldar and viciously shredded him with the the spinning claw blade in mid air, spraying the dreadnought and the ground around it with blood and ichor. It then tossed the useless body away with a nonchalant flick of its arm and gleefully ran down the fleeing remenants of the squad it had massacred. It was beautiful.

Now you see my dilemma, these aren't just "good" games, these are sequels and expansions to games that helped define, reinvent, or just plain raise the bar in their genre. Plus, there are a few other gems I'm looking forward to as well. I hope I can find the time/money for at least half of these games.

Knowing the Ten-Thousand Things

2004-07-25T12:17:00.000-07:00

Because I recieved a letter informing me that I have now been officially approved for reinstatement of my financial aid, and I am now garunteed to be going to college next semester, I have decided to post my schedule. It's been so long since I actually signed up for classes, I had totally forgotten the times and even the sections of my classes. So here it is:

Monday, Wednesday, Friday

Middle East in Modern Times 9:10 am - 10:10 am

The Art of the Novel 10:20 am - 11: 20 am

Major Periods/Issues in English Literature 11:30 am - 12:30 pm

Tuesday, Thursday

Beginner/Intermediate Weight Training 8:00 am - 9:00 am

Logic 1:50 pm - 3:20 pm

I'm pretty happy with my schedule and the classes I've chosen for myself. With this next semester, I will have completed all of my general education requirements except for one semester of a creative arts course. I'm really glad that I'm branching out into humanities because a) I'm much better at "squishier" courses, b) I enjoy them much more, and c) it allows me to take classes from a wider variety of disciplines I am interested in, such as Religious Studies, Economics, History, Social Anthropology, and Gender Studies. Ironically, I'm really looking forward to being back in school and studying again. It's like I'm growing up or something, because I actually want to be working... For once in my lifetime.

Eschew Obfuscation

2004-07-21T22:51:00.000-07:00

Ocean fish destroy mass media!

I have managed to successfully navigate the twisting labyrinth that is a the Lewis and Clark College of Arts and Sciences Bureaucracy. Like the determined Salmon swimming upstream, I had to weave between rapids, climb waterfalls, and avoid marauding bears such as the vacation status of half of the people I need to speak with. As it stands, I am currently awaiting approval of my petition for financial aid, which I am 94.3% confident I will receive in full as per my last two semesters. However, tracking down the visiting professor to get my four incomplete credits from may be more challenging as he is no longer a faculty member of Lewis and Clark. Aiee.

In between such soirees I have been currently working on my summer project: doing nothing for three months. So far, I have been enormously successful in my endeavors to sleep in, play video games, and avoid working in any way. Now that I have the ball rolling on all of this school business I plan to take care of a few loose ends I have been avoiding for the last few months. This includes the possibility of transferring credits I earned at Mt. Hood Community College during high school to Lewis and Clark. Out of twenty-seven credits, I think I might be able to get about six credits, which isn't bad at all.

Gaming: For those of you "in the know," Brad introduced me to the Ars Magica: Fourth Edition roleplaying game, and I've totally fallen in love with the magic system. It is by far the best gaming system for magic I have ever seen; much, much better than any of the editions of White Wolf publishing's popular game Mage: The Ascension. Also, thanks to Andrew I now have a spiffy NES emulator, with one of my all time favorite games, Mike Tyson's: Punch Out!! additionally, I also acquired from him my long sought after ROM of Mario Brothers 64 for my N64 emulator. Of course, I got myself a crack of Ground Control II: Operation Exodus which is disgustingly awesome and fun. I loved the first game, and the second has totally blown away all of my expectations. I recommend the game to anyone interested in real-time strategy games but hates resource management. Finally, I've begun to actually write my Vampire: The Masquerade chronicle for next year. Not just come up with the story in my head, but actually write it down, with pre-generated NPC's and minions, roleplaying notes, and overall goals for each section of the story. I find that when I do things like this, my games run much more smoothly and enjoyably for the players. I'm really excited about this game next year, and I hope I we get a good turn-out of players like we did last year. The game is designed to work with player groups of 14-20 people, I just need to find some narrators/storytellers to help me out...

For the most part, though, I'm pretty bored out there, and if anyone out there in blogger land who lives around Portland wants to go chill, e-mail, call, or use some sort of smoke signal to communicate with me.

Crush Puny American Burger!

2004-06-09T00:34:00.000-07:00

I would like to draw everyone's attention to first, the sidebar, where I added my life rating, which I am quite fond of, thankyouverymuch. Then, scroll all the way to the bottom to witness my ultimate impurity! I would like to point out that Peter's score was aproximately 93%. Additionally, Adnan has promised me that he would obtain for me a copy of the Kama Sutra, which will further reinforce my belief that I am a sexual tyrannasaur.

So, as I was reading blogs, the young miss "fiery resurrection bird" prompted me to dig up my Alpha Centauri Quotebook and skim through it. I noticed one of my favorite quotes from the game (ironically, another Nietzsche quote from "Thus Spoke Zarathrusta")

"Companions the creator seeks, not corpses, not herds and believers. Fellow creators the creator seeks--those who write new values on new tablets. Companions the creator seeks, and fellow harvesters; for everything about him is ripe for the harvest."

Friedrich Nietzsche
"Thus Spoke Zarathustra"

It makes me think about the statement, "playing God..." Was is it such a bad thing to tamper with the duties of creation? Popular culture is rife with films, novels, and general colloquiolisms about the dangers of meddling with this divine right. Why is the thought of an artificially concieved child so horrifying? One that is born from the copied DNA of another healthy, productive, and admirable citizen of human society. Here's another Alpha Centauri quote along those lines (please note that Chariman Sheng-ji Yang is a fictional character and he and his work "Dynamics of Mind" do not really exist, but I find the quote provocative nonetheless)

"We hold life to be sacred, but we also know the foundation of life consists in a stream of codes not so different from the successive frames of a watchvid. Why then cannot we cut one code short here, and start another there? Is life so fragile that it can withstand no tampering? Does the sacred brook no improvement?"

Chairman Sheng-ji Yang
"Dynamics of Mind"

I am not a religious person; hell, I don't even think I'm all that spiritual. I behold the wonders of nature and life and creation, and I hold it in the utmost respect. So much that I want to emulate, like a child that looks upon a parent or older sibling and is so impressed they strive to achieve what they percieve to be only something better. In reaching for divinity, we may find that it will always be out of our reach, but then again, isn't that the point? Shouldn't mankind remain humble in the face of all creation, yet still strive for greatness, because it is the struggle itself that forges beauty, genius, and all of the ambiguous ideals we assign to our precious humanity.

Does God look for hordes of worshipping livestock, or does He wish for an equal, something to compare His own work against. Like I said, I'm not religious, so, I can't really imagine how any diety would feel. Then again, maybe that's half the battle anyway.

Our Famous Net-Launcher

2004-06-04T10:51:00.000-07:00

I am sick of all of this pain, all of this heartbreak, and my stupid frustrations. I feel like every time I try and get close to a woman, I fail. I don't know what I am going to do anymore, because I have lost so much motivation and focus. In two months or so, I'll be back in college, working my ass off, for a liberal arts degree that will effectively qualify me for a number of jobs in retail or food service. I have all of this love and affection I wish I could share, but I keep screwing up all of my chances for getting close to someone.

*le sigh* And now I'm turning French.

I think I'll go join the Navy, because, after all, aren't we all looking for a few good men?

I bring pandamonium!

2004-05-30T22:25:00.000-07:00

First, check out my cool profile. I've been periodically adding more and more to it, because it is only through my blogger profile that you will discover the true essence of my swordsmanship.

Now I need to get something off my chest. Why the fuck won't pandas screw to save their damn species? Seriously, this has been pissing me off for years. It's not that fucking hard, fellas. We can't fuck for you, so let's just get this show on the road so we can drive other species to extinction. I don't have all day. I would imagine that a species related to racoons would be a little more clever than this, but what the hell? They spend all day eating bamboo, when they could be eating juicy people who unwittingly get to close because pandas are "cute." They're monsters, I tell you, and they could take a grown man's arm off in a heartbeat. I think we should train pandas to eat snakes.

Digital Love

2004-05-27T16:48:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream about you
In this dream I'm dancing right beside you
And it looked like everyone was having fun
the kind of feeling I've waited so long

Don't stop come a little closer
As we jam the rythm gets stronger
There's nothing wrong with just a little little fun
We were dancing all night long

The time is right to put my arms around you
You're feeling right
You wrap your arms around too
But suddenly I feel the shining sun
Before I knew it this dream was all gone

-Daft Punk

UPDATE: I forgot to mention something I've been meaning to talk about for a while now. As Andy has stated, COMMENT YOU STINGY BASTARDS! I promise, I will comment on your blog if you comment on mine.

Did they tell you who was going to win the Latin Grammys?

2004-05-25T23:04:00.000-07:00

Send food. Stop. Cannot cook for self when at home. Stop. Blog growing stranger, fewer comments. Stop. Bored, need job, girlfriend, entertainment. Stop. Go banana. Stop.

Filthy Humans! Filthy!

2004-05-23T14:11:00.000-07:00

I don't have much time, I'm transmitting from deep inside enemy territory. I think my disguise has been comprimised by the enemy. Apparently, these "Earthanoids" are fielding some kind of new defense mechanism. They call it a "shower." I believe it is a loyalty test. The subject is required to stand under a horrifically warm deluge of hydro-hydroxic acid. If you survive, you are accepted into the tribe again. Such barbaric practices amused me, until I discovered that I was required to take this loyalty test myself. I eluded capture by retreating to a remote safe-house earlier established by my compatriots. Send help, the command ship has moved out past transmission range, and my ship is still in impound.

Send battle-tanks.

Cavity searches, deep and hard, I'm talking roto-reuter...

2004-05-07T07:23:00.000-07:00

So I'm done with finals and I'm done with moving out. In fact, I'm pretty much done with freshman year as a whole. I've had a lot of fun, and almost more emotional stress than I could handle. At this point, I would just like to get a simple little job that involves a lot of physical labor and little responsibility. Many of my college friends will be around, Niku, Jon, Catherine, Cory, Hassan, Nikolai, Adnan, Brie, and maybe a few spots of Keith... I plan on seeing some, if not all, of them at some point over the summer. Plus, there's home, and all that is entailed.

It's strange, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. For the next month, I've got some incompletes to finish up so as to keep me a touch busy, but it's just not the same... Plus, I'm used to having a stable of over twenty roleplayers who I could draw upon for one-shots, campaigns, or just roleplaying experiements that I've been putzing around with. Unfortunately, this is not the case at home, as only Brad, Andy, and (nominally) Peter are actually dedicated roleplayers. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN TRYING, FEEL FREE TO JOIN US! You like ice cream, you love it, you cannot resist ice cream, your life is meaningless without ICE CREAM!

Nokia is a detailed company

2004-05-04T22:24:00.000-07:00

And the devil is in the details. Bethesda, makers of my sweet love Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind, have announced that they will be doing their new Elder Scrolls game will be on... the N-Gage.

There is no God. Read about it there, and weep for the future. If you aren't into RPG's, you probably don't care.

Finals! Soon, I shall take my Modern European History final which shall include: A map quiz, short identifications, and no less than three essay questions. It sounds hot.

I have a mighty need!

2004-05-04T02:54:00.000-07:00

I'm, uh, around on campus and shit... Finals week! Yay! I really liked when I got a fistfull of meaningful comments on my blog, I hope maybe I can scrape up a few more from you guys. I enjoyed reading them, and I appreciate your concern. Say hi or something... I'll post once all of this stuff has blown over.

Oh, by the way, I got the full version of Painkiller and it's awesome! Zombies and shotguns... so disgustingly fun.

An 11-foot pole can touch anything

2004-04-22T18:37:00.000-07:00

I will be away for a while, everyone. I don't know how long it will be before I get a chance to really sit down and post up a storm for you. Suffice to say, I need some time. I'll be at my house for a while, so give me a call (503) 669-2244 or drop on by and hang out. I need all the friends I can get...

Go banana!

2004-04-19T15:27:00.000-07:00

So, I saw a bootlegged copy of "Hero" (Chinese version with English subtitles) and it was fucking awesome. I never actually saw "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" because I was told it involved a good deal of romance- which everyone knows Charles does not care for in his movies- but others told me that the fighting was very reminicent of that Chinese style of filming where the fighters fly around at each other. Quite frankly, I really enjoyed it, the artistry, the history, the dignity of the characters, and the tragedy of the love between Broken Sword and Flying Snow was awesome. Personally, my favorite fighter was Sky because he used a spear. I hear that it's coming out in the US, and I encourage everyone to catch it if they can.

Right now, my life is balancing on the precipice of oppurtunity, but too much effort in either direction will send me careening. I'm really looking forward to three months off from school...

We dance whenever we are able.

2004-04-18T22:42:00.000-07:00

Virtual Knee Surgery. I'll let this link speak for itself. I encourage you all to play all the way through, because it is both informative and enjoyable... I think...

I would have been your daddy

2004-04-18T11:13:00.000-07:00

So... tired... I was awake for almost 48 hours straight, except for a one hour break when Brie, Adnan, and I had a "let's go back to bed party." I really don't have anything post-wise to say, other than I don't have anything to say.

Here's a topic: the radical reconstruction of the south following the civil war was neither radical or a reconstruction. Discuss.

Destruction is nice!

2004-04-14T10:25:00.000-07:00

My roommate for next year, Adnan, will like this. Apparently, he's been more busy than I previously thought.

In other news, no I don't get to go see Kill Bill vol. 2 today because I forgot about my fucking evening class, which I cannot miss anymore. It sucks ass, but I wasn't that excited about the special screening or the movie itself for that matter, I just wanted to go have fun with my friends. Oh well... It seems fun isn't something I am entitled to much anymore.

I am fully functional and anatomically correct

2004-04-13T10:17:00.000-07:00

I am better now. Norwalk ripped through my body in a couple of days, and I've been recovering. I haven't posted because I don't really have anything else to talk about. I saw a bootlegged copy of Kill Bill Volume One a few days ago. It was... I can't really determine whether I liked it for not, but my friends managed to get into a special screening of volume two, and they're taking me with them. We're going to see it on wednesday (tomorrow, as of this post) and I think I'll have more fun going out with my friends than actually seeing the movie, but oh well.

I'm really getting into this idea of playing SpyCraft. Brad's been bugging us about it for years, so I think he deserves a little bit of slack here. Those of you who are interested, contact Brad, Andy, and/or I and figure out a good time to get together for some character generation. Plus, it would be fun to hang out together for a few hours anyway.

Let's fighting love

2004-04-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

If you understand the title, then all I have to say is "protect my balls"

I got sick. Really, really sick. Norwalk virus, which has been ravaging the Lewis and Clark population, hit me really hard at about 3:45 AM. I vomited about six times in three or four hours, to the point where I puked blood up all over the place. It was really gross. Fortunately, my Residence Assistant shoved me into a Taxicab and sent me to the OHSU emergancy ward. I spent about five hours there while they used an IV to put two liters of water right into my bloodstream. It felt really weird, because the water comes in at room temperature.

I would like to point out that the emergancy ward of a hospital is really frightening. I spent almost the whole time in a darkened room behind a curtain, but I could hear all the people talking and crying and rushing around. It's really disturbing to hear someone say, "Sir, I need you to stay here. If you don't get immediate attention, I don't think you'll survive two steps out of that door." And then to hear the old guy actually leave after the nurses pleaded with him to stay. I don't know what happened to him.

Silence the discord

2004-04-06T14:50:00.000-07:00

Everyone who enjoys science fiction should read this story, "The Last Question," by Isaac Asimov. I know that Andy and Brad have their own preferences, but Asimov is definitely my favorite author. This is one of his better short stories, which came out of one of his better books, Nine Tomorrows. It's only about eight pages long, so check it out. I am going to give a twenty minute presentation on the story, basically outlining how I believe that the format of the story chronicles the aging of a single character (in this case, mankind itself) and I think I can support that by pointing out some basic elements of fiction that lend themselves to a sort of, "coming of age story" for humanity. Let me know what you think about that if/when you read it.

So the Multnomah State Health people have taken over our Bon, effectively. Last Friday, about sixty people got terrible stomach flu/food poisoning symptoms all at once. Fortunately, the whole disease part seems to have blown over. Unfortunately, Bon Appetit has turned into a Nazi cafeteria of "no-touchy." All of the Bon workers where gloves, even the person who swipes your card, and we are given lemon-scented moist toilettes- which we are highly encouraged to use- when we enter. ALL food is served for you, except for drinks (which come out of the machine anyway) and you have to ask for silverware when you get your food because it is now located behind the counters. The already annoying lines have swollen because of the incredibly slow-going nature of the new safety precautions, making dinner a real chore. My friends have taken to acquiring a line buddy when you go to get pizza so you at least have someone to talk to for ten minutes. I hope this blows over soon, because I'm sick of going through so much inconvenience to get crappy food.

What does the "G" stand for?

2004-04-04T12:59:00.000-07:00

I don't know...

Yesterday was my roommates birthday. So we got together about eight of our friends and made a pilgrimage to Chinatown to eat at a seafood Dim Sum restaurant. That was my second time eating Dim Sum, and I think I can now actually identify a few of the dishes, but I still don't know any of the names. We all ate until we could barely move (as is appropriate at such places) and we began to migrate around Portland like a flock of well-fed pigeons. Eventually, the group began to splinter as members had "other plans" and "homework." These endeavors confused me, because I am not accustomed to such things.

Adnan decided for us, however, that we should go see Hellboy. Adnan, of course, being the only person there who actually read the comics, was the only one of us who didn't enjoy the movie. Go figure. I thought it was really fun, and I immediately recognized the "Return to Castle Wolfenstein" factor that Andy mentioned. The end blew hard, because it was really lame and anti-climactic, but the rest of the movie was awesome and I enjoyed the whole thing.

In the end, we made our way to Long Island Pizza, which is a pizza/Lebanese cuisine restaurant (an interesting combination, to be sure) where Brendon and Autumn took pictures of Adnan and I sharing a coke while gazing into each others eyes longingly. I dread to see it when it is developed.

I've been playing Dungeon Keeper 2 a shitload lately, and I would highly recommend the game to all of you out there in blogger/gamer land. You can pick it out of a bargain bin for like five bucks, and I guarantee you will get more than your money's worth. Check it out.

All you have is your hatred... And your... Individuality...

2004-04-02T12:58:00.000-08:00

I love SHODAN.

More than any other villain I've ever seen in a movie, video game, or read in a book, SHODAN encompasses all that is badass. System Shock 2 is, hands down, the best game ever; better than Deus Ex, Halo, Thief 2, Morrowind, StarCraft, or any other great games that come to my mind.

And it won't work on my fucking computer. It worked on that ailing piece of crap that my family owned for years and years, but it won't work on Dell's "high end computer" model. Even with the Windows XP bug fix, it still crashes. I believe this to be the work of ninjas.

By the way, if you didn't believe Gabe and Tycho, Ninja Gaiden is really hard. My roommate has it burned onto his Xbox, and... It strikes you speechless to watch him play. It's disgusting how difficult the game is. (Hah! Ended a sentance in a preposition, and you can't stop me!) I think I'm going to pick it up this weekend...

Any of you guys want to come hang out some time? We'll be gearing up for the Lewis and Clark gaming olympics soon, and I know some of my friends will be getting their game on sooner or later.

Big, radioactive rubber pants! The pants command me...

2004-04-01T10:42:00.000-08:00

At first, I thought it was a mean-spirited April Fool's joke. I mean, to get people's hopes up about having 1000 megabytes of storage space on a free web mail server, and google no less. But it must be true, because Google is on the verge of going public and why would they lie to the NY Times, Reuters, CNN, and the Associated Press? Such a ridiculous hijink could kill their stock on the open market, but if they are really serious about Gmail, then they are set to make a killing. Check out the various linked reports yourself.

I signed up for a Writer's Workshop in the Japanese gardens in a little over a week's time. It should be interesting; I'm supposed to bring writing materials and a small object that signifies my connection to nature. The workshop goes from nine to four, so we'll see if anything cool happens. Call (503) 223-1321 if you're interested in signing up.

Today I will research and write my Thesis prospectus (bleh, I hate prospectuses) and write my fourth and final essay on an element of short story writing. As of yet, I have no idea what the hell that paper will be about, but I'll figure something out. Then I get to start researching for another paper in my Modern European History class. Hooray! Research!

I will point out to certain individuals who do not use short paragraphs for their posts (you know who you are) how easy to read and organized my post appears. Notice the easily defined points I intended to make and how you can skip things you don't care about. Please follow suit, so that Andy and I can keep our eyesight, because not all of us where glasses... yet.

That Joan of Arc, she's one tasty piece of bitch!

2004-03-29T22:08:00.000-08:00

Like Peter, I have given my blog a deep obsidian hue to protest this strangling of free speech.

Fortunately, my new ebony look is kind of gothic and sexy... God I want me.

Do not ignore my veins!

2004-03-29T11:12:00.000-08:00

I used to believe that some wars were more terrible than others. I thought that the two world wars were horrible, but modern wars such as the conflicts in Korea, Vietnam, and the middle east were worse because you aren't fighting for some "great cause" of liberation or freedom. My view has definetely changed after reading All Quiet on the Western Front, which really depicts the pointlessness and hopelessness of war. I know I sound like some hippie or something, but the depiction of conflict in this novel really got to me. In total, I have read fiction covering the American Revolutionary War (My Brother Sam is Dead), the American Civil War (The Red Badge of Courage) and now World War I. And even as horrible as the first world war was, it was nothing compared to the destruction of the second world war, or "the great war" as the history channel so often labels it. It certainly makes me appreciate the atmosphere of Call of Duty that much more...

The goggles, they do nothing!

2004-03-26T17:00:00.000-08:00

Real acid?

Call of Duty, is, in a word, orgasmic. I just plowed my way through the American and British missions on regular (Jon is, of course, playing the game on Hardened because he hates himself) and I am currently attempting to retake Stalingrad... without a gun. That's the Russian army for you; when I finally got a weapon it was, of course, a piece of crap. I look forward to prying a MP40 from some poor Germans dead hands.

If you like shooters and/or WWII games, play this one. I know the genre is getting pretty old, but in CoD you can shoot Germans in their head and watch their helmet fly off. Pretty cool stuff.

Furthermore, I will begin to intrepidly assault my legions of homework gremlins. My warmup will be to read the entirity of the novel, All Quiet on the Western Front. Followed by research into the economics of fusion power, from which I will derive a thesis topic for my Inventing America term paper. I know I've got some other crap I need to work on, but I can't really think about it right now, since I can still smell the gun-powder and see the horrors of the Caen bridge during Operation Market Garden.

School starts again in less than three days... suckyness.

I'm in a bear suit

2004-03-25T12:02:00.000-08:00

We had fun. Council chambers is effectively a small theater that we controlled for six straight hours. Halo (which everyone didn't like because I won by such huge margins), Mario Kart: Double Dash!!, and Soul Caliber II were all played on a massive projector screen. Additionally, Catherine, being the intelligent person she is, suggested that we watch Star Wars on our projector screen.

We settled on Empire Strikes Back, arguably the best of the three films. On another note, my roommate has a pirated Star Wars: A New Hope DVD which we enjoyed last night. My only response was holy shit, must buy Star Wars DVD's when they come out. It wasn't even the special edition either, it was the origional. DVD quality Star Wars kicks more ass than anything you've ever seen.

Ugh, I have to start doing my spring break homework soon... I am going to read All Quiet on the Western Front, research and annotate two term paper bibliographies, and I need to find a good short story to give my Introduction to the Short Story term presentation on. Any suggestions out there in blogger-land?

I'm going to sing the doom song

2004-03-23T10:58:00.000-08:00

Spring break feels so very, very good. On one hand, Bon Apetite isn't open over the break, so I have to prepare my own food. But, since I have been released from the tyranny of the Bon, I have the flexibility to eat whatever I want whenever I want. But the toppings are also cursed. That's bad.

We (about eight of my friends who are still on campus) have taken up the midnight activity of sneaking around Templeton Student Center with squirt guns playing a little bit of what I have dubbed "mission impossible." Two teams of four, one hit kill squirt guns (little squirt guns), and an empty building full of places to ambush the enemy. It was fun. Today, we have reserved council chambers for about six hours, and we plan on watching movies and playing video games on a theater-sized screen. Additionally, I will be running my totally kick-ass vampire game some time tonight and tomorrow.

Happy Surgery day, Andy! I forgot to get you a surgery day present because I thought that candy wouldn't quite be appropriate for someone who is getting their wisdom teeth pulled. Besides, you always ruin surgery day.

If any of you folks out there in blogville would like to come visit my humble college dorm, feel free to drive up. My mom can give you perfect directions (because it is disgustingly easy to drive to Lewis and Clark) and I'll be around for most of the week. If anyone is interested, we will be having a tournament for Vampire: The Eternal Struggle card game on this upcoming weekend. Lots of people barely know how to play, but it will be lots of fun. It costs four dollars to get in, but you get a free T-Shirt if you win.

Justice in the world of business.

The Great Conflagaration

2004-03-17T10:21:00.000-08:00

A post just for the mighty Shaun, my co-conspiritor who aided me in my battle of annoyance versus the tryanny of Brad-the-Destroyer who insisted that we "work" or some such on the Soul Prints Literary magazine. What a jerk...

My hotmail account is hagetaga77@hotmail.com

My school e-mail is clehmer@lclark.edu

Note that my school account is checked multiple times a day, while my hotmail account usually gets hit about once a day because nobody sends me e-mails any more since we all have web logs- also known as "blogs"- and are too good to send me correspondance any more.

Linky linky link.

Motivation, such an aggravation

2004-03-16T10:45:00.000-08:00

I will not date someone when I am on the rebound, no matter how much I want to. This is a terrible frustration for me, but I can do it. Oddly enough, this has helped me enormously. That belligerent bitterness Andy prophecied has indeed come to fruition, and I am happily enjoying it. At some point, I will go back to posting normal tripe about stuff, but this is all I've been doing lately. At some point, I must out-do Brad's posting, if that's possible.

Good things. I've discovered that the Lewis and Clark english department keeps track of dozens of literary contests and scholarships that occur year round. I'm hope to squeeze out a 14,000 word short story before March 31st, and I think I can do it. When Lyndsey left, she took most of my inspiration with her, but it has slowly trickled back as I recover from all of this.

Also, I might have an oppurtunity to stay around campus for the summer. There are summer job programs for students, and I know people who are looking into renting some of the cheap houses around here who also want to stay over the summer. Originally, I wasn't interested in this because I wanted to be around Lyndsey, but now that's over, I have a great oppurtunity to be free and independent. It may not work out because of... other complications, but I feel good about it right now.

No more links, please.

I ordain these laws

2004-03-15T02:50:00.000-08:00

All I really have to post about is the fact that I've been through a lot lately with Lyndsey and whatnot, but I'm finally ready to move on. I've found a wonderful person who I enjoy gaming with and watching anime, and I finally mustered the intestinal fortitude to ask her out. It went pretty well, and we're not sure if we are going to "date" yet, but we can still have a lot of fun together.

Foolish humans, I will destroy you all! Destruction is nice!

Hey, a post with no links.

My life is hell

2004-03-09T18:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it feels like purgatory. I don't know if I will accumulate enough points though...

For those of you who have been talking to me lately, you know that I've been a little too... preoccupied to post anything signifigant. For what it is worth, I'm slowly getting better, but I still have to see counselors and other unpleasntness. On the upshot, though, it turns out that it takes about 1.8 tons of raw material to manufacture a single, desktop PC.

I feel like a broken record, because I mostly post to link people to cool stuff; mostly short films. But if there is one single thing you look at when reading this post, read Same Difference. It's a really good story, full of awesome comedy, drama, and general random life stuff. I really appreciated it last semester when I was reading it after staying up until five in the morning to write a paper about how Socrates and Sophocles defined justice in The Republic and Antigone. Fun stuff.

Although certain bloggers post about controversal topics that stiumulate intelligent (and not so intelligent) debate, I have something much more important to post about: Mario Brothers. If you have not seen these films, you have not truly lived or appreciated smoothies.

Part One can be found here.

Part Two can be found here.

Part Three can be found here.

Check them out.

He's Dead Jim

2004-03-02T14:35:00.000-08:00

Or is he? Painkiller is what I would term a throwback to older shooters, an "orgy of zombie killing fun" would be the technical industry term. I've never fired so many deliciously satisfying holy stakes into the breasts of so many irresistably lovable walking dead. The melee weapon is basically a portable meat-grinder that makes a delightful sound when you cut of the limbs of some poor ghoul. Unfortunately, the graphics are a bit much for my dated GeForce MX, so there's a bit of slowdown.

By the way... Why name a game Painkiller, you ask? I'll tell you: YOU CAN'T SAVE! And the enemies deal a shitload of damage. Easy to dodge, but one little mistake sends you back to the beginning. That's the pain part, the killer part comes when I find the idiot who made a demo where you can't save.

CNN can't do statistical analysis. I totally agree with Ars Technica that 2 to 7 percent of America's adult internet-using population is a fuck-ton of people. A "fuck-ton" is equivielent to 220,000 units, by the way.

If nothing ever converted me to Christianity before, this might...

Ha ha! You may only comment on top of the post, mwah ha ha ha ha ha!

My Life for Wire

2004-03-01T09:28:00.000-08:00

Nanowireing, that is. I haven't posted in such a long time because a) I had four essays and a history midterm in two weeks, and b) stupid HaloScan foiled me at every turn. I have finally added comments! And they're on the top of the page, instead of the bottom, because I don't want to fuck with the code template on this stupid blog anymore.

I was devastated by the news.

Not too long ago I discovered that my roommate ownes Dungeon Keeper 2, possibly one of the best game ever made in sheer mindless fun and stupid humor. In the same category, I am determined to beat Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles without failing my classes. This may not be possible, but I plan to try.

Damn, every time I go to write on this damn thing I have so much to say, but then I can't think of anything. It doesn't matter because nobody reads my blog.

I am unstoppable!

2004-02-18T15:16:00.000-08:00

Nathan's ant-like form is no match for my cepholopod samurai!

The Dream is Over

2004-02-18T10:45:00.000-08:00

Hordes of Underdark, simply put, is fun. The game itself isn't a mindblowing experience or revolution in video game technology that will eventually lead to killer AT&T robots raping and killing us, it's just harmless slaughter of denizens of darkness and evil: nerds of all types.

As promised, I attempted to program in comments for my page- and by "program" I mean "paste scripts provided to me by HaloScan" I'm publishing this post, partly, to see if they work.

In light of recent events I will promptly be throwing myself into a pit of boiling grease because my faith in humanity has been utterly destroyed. I would request, however, that you all get a chance to fly in formation when you assault a woman's fertile areas.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Holier Than Thou

2004-02-17T02:39:00.000-08:00

Finally. I finally defeated my life-long nemesis... Neverwinter Nights. I will now be jumping right into Hordes of Underdark.

But, on a happier note, some historians have no real life or worthwhile endeavors to toil away upon. While I commend the lusty thirst for knowledge and organization of said bawdy learnings, perhaps this is too much. Their insistance upon being "neutral" on the subject brings to light some interesting questions.

Questions like: Why God, why do you torture me with no Fallout 3? Or System Shock 3? Or even fucking Half-Life 2 and Halo 2, which I am convinced will never actually be released. They will forever haunt my dreams of gaming glory like the elusive fallen angel, Duke Nukem Forever.

I think that most of you have seen this but I want to make absolutely sure.

I love this video.

Best use of monkeys in a first-person shooter

2004-02-16T02:20:00.000-08:00

Equilibrium is both a sweet, sweet gunfight and a terrible coconut-flavored plotline. World War III ravaged mankind, so we're going to randomly blame... Emotion. Christian Bale gives a stellar performance, but the movie unfortunately lacks his sexy naked posterior and prostitutes killed by falling chainsaws.

"Hey Patrick, is that a raincoat you're wearing?"
"Why yes it is!"

Blog blog rant blog opinion metaphor blog rant random link

These comics are produced by a real, honest-to-God church. They're trying to discourage roleplaying. Good for them, it's nice to have dreams.